The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
