hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
