The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
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it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
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An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
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