haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
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We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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