i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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