we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
