That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
