im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
