I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
