I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
