goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
