My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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