you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
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Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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