I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
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i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
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im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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