sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
