I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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