is your mom at the bar?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
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They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
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She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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