I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
