He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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