I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
