'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
