Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
