my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
