she woke up with a sticky ear
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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