Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize