so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
