i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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