At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Randomize
