My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
