It's like God shit irony all over that family
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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