I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
