Taylor Swift is so right about you.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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