And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
