I want to walk on stilts...naked
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I came so hard my ears popped.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
