Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
This house was built for laser tag.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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