some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I did not marry a roomba.
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