just come out here and I will go home with you...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
