apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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