I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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