Your mouth is God's brothel.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
