Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Randomize
