There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
