he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize