I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
