My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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