im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Someone came in the potted fern
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
