Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
