I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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