I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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