I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
