Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
No subtext here. People are naked.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
