what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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