I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
