I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
