I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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