sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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