i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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