This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
